I consider myself to be a fairly self-reflective, self-aware person. Nevertheless, it was an incredibly helpful exercise to take a few minutes to consider the five traits or areas I would most like to improve over the next few months.
Progress, not perfection.
Hi, my name is Jessica, and I am a perfectionist. I often get so bogged down in wanting something to be perfect that I end up chasing an elusive, ever-moving standard. At best, this is frustrating; at worst, it’s paralyzing. Through the Praxis bootcamp, I want to work on focusing on progress, rather than grasping at perfection.
Being an encourager.
I love people. I firmly believe each of us is insanely talented and incredibly gifted; far more than we dare to think. But often, I let opportunities to encourage and affirm those around me slip by. I want to become more intentional about calling out the positive traits I see in people.
Intentionality.
Recently, I’ve realized I’ve slipped into some not-so-great habits. While I deleted Facebook off my phone, I replaced that mindless scrolling with Twitter and the native news app. My evening routine is simply non-existent, and even my eating habits could use a makeover. I want to become more intentional, specifically starting in these areas, by creating small atomic habits that can serve as the impetus for a healthier, more productive life.
Positive thinking.
While I tend to think the best about the people around me and choose to give them the benefit of the doubt, I often fail to do the same for myself. I want to choose kinder, more gentle ways of talking to myself that inspire me to be a better person, rather than berating myself for shortcomings.
Reading consistently.
When I was young, I used to read All. The. Time. I was never without few books in tow. Over the last couple years, this is a habit I’ve let slide. I want to get back into the habit of reading regularly and finally make a dent in my towering to-read stack!
No man is an island. It’s so incredibly true that we become like the people we spend the most time with. As I thought about the people in my life, a few specifics came to mind: my mom, several friends from a particular friend group, my coworkers, and Twitter.
I’ve been blessed with a terrific mom. Not only did she home educate me, but to this day we’re still learning together, bouncing ideas off each other on a daily basis. Throughout my high school years, she read every single book she assigned to me. Even today, she continues to set the example and always has a book or two that she’s working on reading.
You know those friend groups you stumble into and end up being absolute gems? I have one of those. Thoughtful and thought-provoking, these friends love to discuss big ideas, but they’re also concrete, down-to-earth folks. Just being around them is encouraging, but they’re also quick to speak words of encouragement and affirmation. When I’m around them, I find myself inclined to be more gentle with myself.
For a while, I found myself falling into incredibly negative thought patterns at work. I was disgruntled and unhappy, and it had nothing to do with the actual job. I stepped back and realized that the coworkers I was hanging out with were negative people who liked to complain. I started sitting near different coworkers, and almost overnight my attitude changed. Sometimes change can be as simple as choosing a different seat.
I mentioned Twitter earlier, as something I want to become more intentional about using, and I bring it up here again because I’ve realized just how much of an influence I’ve allowed it to become. While I have experienced some real positives on Twitter (it’s allowed me to reconnect with more than one person I’d lost touch with), I’ve also witnessed how it can bring out the worst in people. Lin-Manuel Miranda often talks about “this optional website™”, a helpful reminder that I can choose what kinds of voices and influences I give airtime to in my life.
Had I written this two or three years ago, it would have been a vastly different post. After two years traveling around the United States (a trip that allowed me to forge some extremely close friendships with fantastic people…but who were scattered across the country), I’d returned to the town I’d grown up. I’d just started a new job in a new field, and in many ways it felt like I was starting life from scratch. At first, in an effort to make some kind of connection with people, I wasn’t very intentional about the people I hung out with (i.e. the first group of coworkers from above).
Still, this was an incredibly valuable experience that woke me up to the importance of choosing “my people” with great care. It also made me reflect on the people who were already in my life (like my mom) whom I once took for granted, but now realize just what a great example they are.
Today, as I consider the people I spend time with, I’m thankful there aren’t a lot of changes I need to make or gaps I need to fill. In one way or another, I’m surrounded by positive people who push me to be more of the person I want to be. Wherever life takes me from here—to different cities, states, or countries—I know now what it’s like to be surrounded by truly good people, and I want to continue to be intentional about considering the type of person I want to be and choosing my friends accordingly.